think one of the hardest things about getting – or got – old, is feeling weary
so much of the time. It may only be my experience and not typical of people in
their eighties, but at ten in the morning I can feel ready for bed. Not
literally, but I did feel a little like that this morning.
enjoy reading and get into more novels than I ever had time for when I was
working, but after a few pages I find myself nodding off. Towards the end of
the day, I can rarely see a TV programme to its end. One of my dear wife’s many
gifts to me consists of telling me later what was the end story of the thriller
we had been watching. It can even be the last words of the day as I murmur from
the depths of half-sleep, ‘who did it?’
suppose some of this has a biological cause. The blood is not carousing round
the body and oxidizing the system as it once did.
Bones don’t have the spring
they used to have, but mainly I guess it may be just the lack of demands made upon
me. There’s no full diary to be emptied. No phone calls from people asking for
action. No disputes to be settled. No arguments with people who have less
enlightened political views than me. When the post comes halfway through the
day, it generally consists of appeals for money, or clothing and shoe
catalogues, with none of them directly personal and therefore incapable of
being tied in to the rest of my life.
it must be this lack of stimulus, I suppose. I used to complain that I was at
the beck and call of numerous people, but now there is little of the
interaction that this provided.
A call upon my time and attention was in those
days itself energising. My rather pathetic complaint is that now few people see
me in that sort of role.
hard question then is, would I in fact be capable at this juncture of life of
meeting people’s expectations? Would I
run for cover when the very responsibilities which I now regret losing, were
laid upon on me once again? I think probably not –or hope not. It’s the time in
when the political parties have their annual conferences. I shall have no
effect on them, but they are likely to have a considerable one on me, which may
not be positive. I need to keep awake for that. Anger can be a spur for